I haven’t written anything in months and months. I feel as though things have come to a head. Im at a fork in the road and i cannot make a decision. I have so much to let go of. So much to stay for.. not sure which is best. How do you know if something is meant to be? Is this a regular occurrance for couples to fight and for myself to feel how i do? Should i feel the need to run often? Is this my intutition telling me that i do need to run and i am choosing to ignore all the signs. I feel as though i do have a lot to be thankful for. Yet, here i am.. unable to be happy about it all.  I have everything i could want despite the debt load i currently have. Instead i choose to run away today and not too stay and fight. I am done fight. I am emotionally spent. I have done so much for everyone else. Always doing things to help others.. yet i can’t seem to get a hand to have a mental health day for myself. Why live here when i don’t have the help i so desperately crave. Why not move and live alone without anyone i know… its how i feel here. I feel lost. Alone. Unheard. Under appreciated. Undervalued. Maybe the way i feel has solely to do with how much i feel lost since i don’t have a job etc. He can do all the things for me.. yet its not me doing it. I feel like i owe him. I’m just done. mentally tired… i could sleep for 12 hours and still wake up feeling like i haven’t slept at all. depression apparently has come a knocking. I guess going to the doctor at the end of the month will let me know how truly depressed i am.. lets start the drugs cause thats how we fix things…

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