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As my honeypot sits half full at the moment. I sit here and wonder when will it be full? How long until my family gets to live in the same country together. Honestly, If I had taken a vow of celibacy I would be on point with it.  

When your lover comes to visit  after months of being away from one another. You would think that there would be a lot of love making happening. Only in our case… there’s a lot of nothing. I am so used to just being a provider for my child that I have no desire. I’ve gone just under two years without any sex. I feel like I have lost my desire for it all together. Being pregnant and recovery from birth didn’t help either. When do people have time for sex? I sure don’t.. I’m exhausted at the end of the day. Once daddy comes up to visit… it’s like a crash course in baby training. I would want to soak in a tub or do all the things I couldn’t with a child in my arms. Leaving no desire for sex.

Then there’s the whole issue with my lover not understanding that I am touched out. I care for a little human without help during the months he isn’t here. When he gets here, he expects it to be like when we first started dating. Hands all over one another, like a hot steamy love scene. Maybe a little bit of 50 shades of Grey (I wouldn’t be oppose to that). One thing I know is he will never understand, how it feels to be touched out. It’s hard being a single mom and then expected to catered to two people at the same time. When do I get time to myself? When does someone cater to me?

When you’ve been in a relationship for three years and have a baby, things get dry. One parent usually does more of the work then the other. Then resentment begins and it turns into an ugly battle. Both partners are not having their needs met. It’s also hard to turn someone on when they would rather rest. After three years you know how the other partner initiates sexy times. That in itself makes it worse. It’s painful to see someone trying to get some and you are at the receiving end and have no desire for sex. You deny the advance and automatically you are the worst person ever. Then you explain being touched out or that you just aren’t in the mood. It’s the classic fight before bed and ruin the evening scenario. How do you tell someone that you just don’t care to have sex anymore.. at all? Or how do you tell them that you are bored of the regular boring sex? Maybe all the bullshit from the past is still hanging out and making you hold out on having sex? What if you just want to have sex with someone else to feel sexy? To have that adrenaline rush we all love when it’s new and fresh? Maybe having a “weekend pass” would rekindled the relationship for us? Perhaps this is something to ponder.

Here’s to hoping we can rekindle some steamy sex.